~ Is This Week Almost Over Yet? ~

Peace, Love, and First Grade: 6 Ways to Re-energize This Spring!

Hello, All My Blogging Buddies!  Happy Friday Eve To Each & Every One of You!! 🙂

This has been a very trying week for me and I sincerely can’t wait for it to end already.  Here’s a quick week in review:
Monday – visit with my therapist, and literally fall to pieces over something that took place nearly three years ago on Christmas.  I hadn’t given it any thought about it since it happened, but “Hey!  Let’s fuck with this woman because everything was fine up until that day.”  I mean seriously?  
Tuesday – Still emotionally spent I hadn’t felt myself all day.  Later that evening, when it started to rain, I end up having a massive anxiety attack.  The damn thing was so bad, that nothing I learned seemed to calm me down.  That was embarrassing to me because here it is…  I’m always posting about mindfulness and meditation etc…  And, I couldn’t even get it together.  I ended up having to take a valium to calm myself down which is something I haven’t needed since my trip down to Florida back in July.
Wednesday – Woke up feeling so worn out and down, that I didn’t even bother to take a shower, and remained in my PJ’s all day long.  My whole body ached from the extreme tension I endured from the night before.  After writing, and reading post for most of the early part of the day, I decided to take a much-needed nap.  Only, to wake up feeling ill, and I mean the kind of ill that keeps you in the bathroom.  I read for a little while longer, then said to hell with it…  I went back to bed.
Thursday – Full intentions of going to my “Peace & Progress aka Anxiety Group”, but was back in the bathroom sick as all sin.  Immediately following that, I was on the phone contacting my doctor’s office for an appointment.  Thank God, they were able to get me in by 1pm.  
I called the group and explained what was happening to me, and the facilitator asked me several questions pertaining to “What brought the anxiety up?”  –  “I don’t know, I’ve been trying to self-analyze this all week.”  
When I went to get ready to visit the doctor, I peeled the sweated up T-shirt and PJ bottoms off of me in order to take a shower.  I must have had a fever to have been soaked.  I took one look in the mirror and saw that I resembled that of road kill.  “Hmmm, I doubt highly any man would want a night on the town with me.”
My roommate “JK” volunteered to take me to the doctors because I couldn’t even stand up straight by the time I made it downstairs.  “God Bless Her!”
I didn’t have to sit in the waiting room for more than 5 minutes when the nurse called me in to see my doctor.  Not many people like their personal practitioner, but I love mine.  He is a very kind man, with a great personality.   He asked what was happening, and of course, I filled him in on the week in review up to the point of sitting on the table.  
Yup!  It was determined what I had already thought I had.  Bronchitis.  “Lovely!  Does this come with a return receipt?”  –  He called in the medication right away and also stated that he wanted me to have blood work done.  – “I wasn’t feeling lousy enough, and now I get to become a human pin cushion.”
So, after all, was done, and the meds were picked up.  I asked if my roommate was up to stop at the diner on our way home. “My treat”, being that she helped me so much today.  We ended up both ordering breakfast at 3pm in the afternoon.  “Oh, heck…  You can have breakfast any time of the day.”
Since we returned home, I did a load of laundry to wash the sheets and my PJ’s.  I’ve been sitting here at my laptop drinking plenty of fluids and reading some amazing posts.  Some of which were so good they were worthy of reblogging.  
I have full intentions of relaxing tonight, and tomorrow to make sure this bronchitis is kicked out of my system.  I hope and pray that I don’t have another episode of anxiety between now and this upcoming Monday when I see my psychiatrist.  But, if I do, at least that appointment was made over a month and a half ago.
I hope that all of you have a pleasant Friday Eve and that you get your rest too.
Take Care & God Bless,
Beckie 
 Sick Snoopy. All get them Times? Some more than others? Sick Flu Bugs are Terrible. 
Out of Order until tomorrow, please leave a message after the beep…  (((( BEEP )))) ________________.

December 5, 2017: ~ The Calm After The Storm; Does Barometric Pressure Affect Anxiety? ~

23472436_1690250454347940_8211101722932026769_n.jpg (940×788)

Hello, my dear friends…  How are you today?  I don’t know why, but I always enjoy asking the following question;  How is the weather in your neck of the woods?  I have a point to this question I have asked.  I really I do.  🙂
As some of you know, I had experienced a pretty rotten anxiety attack last night.  I think I was pretty much fighting it from the time I had gotten out of bed yesterday.  The strange thing was, was that I wasn’t thinking or ruminating over anything at all, other than trying to figure out the “Why?” am I feeling this way.  

Feeling Shaky - Not in Control! Existing with Fibromyalgia.. (Art by Laurence Demaison)

Yesterday’s weather was strange here in New Jersey.  For early December, it had reached 60 degrees and it was so humid.  The meteorologist said there would be rain later in the day.  Seems pretty uneventful, right?  Well, what followed soon after it began to rain is when the anxiety took a strong-hold on me.  The tension in my neck and shoulders added to extreme pain in my chest, I felt this crippling sensation.  The more I was trying to figure out what had triggered this event, the more anxious I was becoming.  What the hell was triggering this?
It is very rare for me to break down and take a valium, but I simply broke.  This was after I tried mindfulness and breathing techniques to no avail, but I was overtaken by the grip it had on me.  Once I had taken that little pill, 20 minutes later I was off the ledge.  I read other peoples blogs to keep me focussed and in the present moment which helped a great deal…  So, many thanks to all of you for posting some fine writing.
Afterwards, I laid down to unwind by watching Netflix and wondered to myself, ‘Did the weather play a role in my anxiety attack?’  Seriously?  I knew that seasonal changes could affect depression, right? 

Waiting for the Sunday night train from Camelot.  (via hungariansoul)

This morning, after I had awakened I still felt sore from tensing up last night, but I really wanted to answer my own question of; ‘Did the rain affect my anxiety last night? ‘  –  “Okay Google, answer this one for me, please?”
Seasonal changes do affect depression and believe it or not, the barometric pressure attributes to anxiety.  Who would have thought that the barometric pressure could cause an anxiety attack?  I sure as hell didn’t.  I learned something new today.  Yay!  I love learning new things, just not by experiencing them.  😦
Although, this was considered a myth once upon a time because Winter usually triggers with upcoming holidays, colder weather, and sicknesses… It was later proven that it not only affects those who are inflicted with depression, it also strikes people with severe anxiety disorders as well.
I didn’t just go by what I read, I also went back to previous journals that I have kept over the last few years, and there it was in my own handwriting… “Today is so utterly grey and overcast, the damn weather report says we are supposed to get snow tonight.  I hate that white shit!  I feel crappy as it, and I hate this fucking cold.  My whole body feels so fucking tense, and I don’t know why.  Thank God I see Frances (psychiatrist) next week, she’s gonna have to do something about this overwhelming feeling, but I know if she gives me new meds, I’ve gotta wait a couple of weeks before the damn meds finally kick in.  I fucking hate this shit!  Oh fuck it, I may as well lay down and hope this passes on its own. – Later.” –  February 2016.
Funny, I hadn’t had a clue that the weather was contributing to feeling like crap.  Not just the season, but the actual weather was messing with me.   A winter wonderland
Oh, goody!  The weather channel is calling for snow starting late Friday evening into Saturday.  The timing couldn’t be better…  I see my psychiatrist next week.  “Here we go again, I might have to have my meds adjusted to deal with the barometric pressure.  I certainly don’t want to be reliant on valium, that’s for sure.
Okay, so, I want to hear from those who have experienced this feeling, and how you overcome it?  Please share with me.  Thank you, in advance.
In the meantime, I am going to close for now.  I do hope all of you are doing well and hope that you are having a good day.  🙂
Take Care & God Bless!
Beckie

 

 

 

 

 

December 5, 2017: ~Coping With Anxiety Today~

Anxiety I am drowning

Good Evening my fellow bloggers, how are you this evening?  

Things could be better, they could also be worse.  Since I got up this morning, I have been a bit out of sorts.  I’ve had a dull headache all day, and have felt the tension all throughout my shoulders and chest, which is building into anxiety.  

Since I submitted the Daily Post Prompt: Relocate, all I keep thinking is that I wish I could relocate this feeling of anxiety that has been building since.  

Thank goodness I have such great bloggers to follow.  I so enjoy reading and responding to some amazing posts, it also helps with calming me down.  So, for that…  I Thank You

On a positive note, after visiting with my therapist yesterday, I didn’t experience any bad dreams last evening.  Yay! However, my anxiety usually kicks in after I have released the feeling of what is depressing to me.  Does this make any sense to any of you that have depression and/or anxiety?

In other words;  If I experience something at the moment, I can handle it.  But, the anxiety follows afterward.  It’s basically the same premise as having PTSD.  Which is also something I have suffered with.  

As I mentioned in yesterdays post, I was traumatized back in 2014 through 2015.  In the 2-3 years that have since past, I really never gave it any real thought.  But, all of a sudden it re-entered my brain uninvited.  I’m sure by later this evening my anxiety levels will let go of the strong-hold it has on me at this current moment.

Until then, I will continue to read what all you fine people have written about today.  I have to admit, I have come across a lot of great pieces today. 

I hope all of you have an enjoyable evening.

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie 

Breathe. You’re going to be okay.The past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it, it's over. It can hurt you no more.Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go.

December 4, 2017: ~ My Personal Therapist Visit ~

You Need Therapy embroidery hoop art/hand embriodery art/wall art/funny quote embroidery/mental health art/therapist gift/get help/therapy

Good afternoon All!  Hope that you all had a pleasant weekend and a good start to the first week of December.  
Friday, my roommate and I went out to dinner to celebrate the good news that she received, just the day before.  I actually had not spoken or shared it here on my blog, and or friends because of the nature of a personal health scare she had.  “JK” (roommate), had a mass on her pancreas, that obviously was devastating to her, because her mother had passed away from pancreatic cancer at the same age “JK” is now, 67 years old.  After a biopsy was performed, she had to wait for two weeks before the results came back.  “JK” received the phone call on the day we had our anxiety group.  The mass was a cyst.  Nothing more, Thank God!  It is heart-wrenching to see a dear friend and/or family member panicky over the waiting process.  All the “What-if’s, what to do” questions, can through anyone off the rails, but if you suffer from anxiety…  Those questions fester and ruminate with every passing minute.  Again, Thank God, she will be okay.
Saturday, I had gone to my friend “LG’s” house to assist her in organizing a file system to keep track of medical records and other pertinent paperwork.  It had become very overwhelming to her and was affecting her anxiety by it being disorderly.  So, while going over helpful suggestions in order to begin a filing system, we hung out and talked over tea.  We also shared a great deal of laughter, something “LG” and I do very easily.  It was so good to spend the afternoon with her and her adorable little dog “Lucy.”
Much later that evening, my roommate and I hung out talking.  But, it wasn’t the light-hearted talking we shared.  We discussed past relationships with being married, and/or dating men that were not exactly “Right” for us.  This conversation only added fuel to nightmares I have been having recently about the very subject.  The nightmares are that of flashbacks to when I was engaged to a narcissistic asshole.  Long story short, our engagement after being together for nearly 7  years ended the day after Christmas 2014.  The vile way he went about it was that of torture.  Hence, I guess this is why some of my poems have been a bit bleak, and desperate lately. 
 Broken Heart Picture Effects. Heart Broken Wallpaper 3d
You see, I haven’t thought of him, and what he had done to me since that awful time.  Then out of nowhere, I have been consumed with the wrongs he had done to me.  I was already suffering from severe depression and this asshole could give a damn about me.  So much for the vow of “Through sickness and health.”  Instead, I got “I’m done with you, and I don’t care if you’re homeless.”  What a sweetheart, huh?
Well, my roommates and my conversation lasted until almost 3:30am Sunday.  To say the least, I was shot yesterday and craved sleep, for which I did most of the day.
Today, I had my appointment with my therapist.  After explaining to her of what was happening to me, I literally broke down and began to cry.  “Where the hell was all this coming from?”  As I continued to talk, I told her it had nothing to do with having any feelings towards this jerk, especially the feelings of love towards him.   
The way she explained my emotions overcoming me all of a sudden, was that the holiday season triggered me, plus I had fully processed the whole disaster that had taken place between that time period and all throughout the years of being homeless.  
I was used during the entire time of our relationship for financial support, that when my unemployment ran dry, there was no use for me anymore.  He didn’t care if I lived or died, as I said… He had flat out said, he didn’t care if I lived on the streets.  
Since, the time that a calm entered my life, I have been subconsciously processing all the feelings of having had someone take full advantage of me, belittle, and degrade me as a human being.  I have become a stronger person, because of taking control back in my life and practicing mindfulness.  All the work I have put into being in the present and meditation has clearly made me see that I will never allow that treatment again.  A full circle of reflection is what I created for myself, and the release of me breaking down for the first time in a long while was what I needed to set it free.  

A Beautiful Dove: Representing The Divine Spirit; Our Free Will And Love.  ( C.C.Crystal.) ♥•✿ڿڰۣ .

As I left her office feeling a bit drained, I also felt free.  A freedom that I truly haven’t felt in over four years.  I am so happy to have such an insightful therapist that guides me through confusion I that I face when I don’t understand what it is.
Alright, my friends…  It is time for me to close for now.  I have things to do around the home, and still, have to go food shopping since that wasn’t done yesterday.
I hope you have a pleasant evening, and that calm surrounds your mind, body, and soul.
Take Care & God Bless!
Beckie 

 

~ The Breaking Point! ~

insane rainbow

Mind unraveling 

Rapid Pace

Multitude of

Thoughts race

Panic-stricken

Air thickens

Beads of sweat

Pulse racing

Apoplectic

Migraine

Erupts 

Damages

Collapse

Whither away

Seep beneath

Floor joints

No more misery

Endless rest

Sleep

 

Please check out “The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch” for last weeks excellent post!

 

 

 

December 1, 2017: Mindfulness Matters (Part 4) Fun Stuff to Ease Your Thoughts

Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles. It takes away today's peace.                                                                                                                                                                                 More

Can you believe it’s December 1st?  Happy Friday to each and every one of you!!!

I thought I would take today, the last day of Mindfulness Matters and post some positive quotes and affirmations.  Of course, I’ll add a touch and dash of humor to the mix.   

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes #courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow." #inspirationalquotes"Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges. So relax." -Bryant McGillblogmonkey: H.D.Thoreau. WALDEN: Chapter VIII: The Village40 Of The Funniest Quotes EverMy Saves  I know I have posted this before, but I couldn’ resist posting this little guy again.  I mean really, look at that sweet little face!  Calvin and Hobbes - I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.When life is hard and people are negative remember this quote dear ones.

Image result for despicable me minions love quotes We all have them, but we also have the tools to cope with those rough days.  Don’t allow them to take over your life. Focus on the present moment, and remember…  You are not alone.

The most important habit I’ve formed in the last 10 years of forming habits is meditation. Hands down, bar none. Meditation has helped me to form all my other habits, it’s helped me to become more peaceful, more focused, less worried about discomfort, more appreciative and attentive to everything in my life. I’m far from perfect, but it has helped me come a long way. Here are 20 practical meditation tips for beginners.Morning Funny Picture Dump 34 Pics11 steps to building a meditation habit -- Get rid of your mental clutter with "declutter your mind"  Practice meditation daily.  Calm yourself down, breathe, and simply remember that you are doing the best you can. 🙂

Mens Humor Twitter / Instagram Try not to wear the world on your shoulders…  You’ll end up shrinking. 🙂

 

Alright, my friends, I am going to join my roommate and have a nice dinner out this evening.  Afterwards, I intend to come back here and get caught up with all of your posts.  I find each and every one of you unique, kind, inspirational, and overall look forward to reading whats happening in your lives.  I love your poetry, short stories, and the experiences you have from all walks of life, and from all over the world.

Enjoy your Friday evening!

Take Care & God Bless,
Beckie

 

Please check out what’s happening over at “The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch”  Thank you.  🙂

 

Daily Prompt: Sparkle “Inner Sparkle”

via Daily Prompt: Sparkle

Sparkle

Mental illness is a vicious circle,
of many ups and downs.
Trial and error,
tweaking meds,
left me numb,
and feeling dull.
Finally, there came  day;
My mind broke free,
from the abyss 
that held its grip on me.
No more constant crying,
no more thoughts on dying,
I began to feel stability.
Light glimmered 
and flickered,
from the narrow tunnel;
Beckoning me,
‘Keep moving forward,
you’re almost there.’
With all my might,
I fought a difficult plight
and trudged my way through,
out of darkness,
into the light.
Mental illness does not define me,
it is what it is.
My hope restored,
heart full of gratitude,
gained a new outlook on life.
I share with you, 
hope and positivity
attempting to brighten your day,
My new found inner sparkle
I display; 
“Never give in, and Never give up”
I repeatedly say.

 

Please check out what’s happening at “The Perfectly Imperfect Bunch”  –  Talented writers that share their writing techniques as well as sharing poems, and short stories.  Thank You.  🙂