I have to be honest when I say the only thing that I’ve been working on recently, is that of sleep deprivation and maintaining a good attitude while feeling this exhausted.
The last visit to my psychiatrist was back on Jan 8th. At which time, we discussed my sleep disorder and what to work on from there. I requested Xanax at that time because I thought it was due to all the happenings in my personal life. She obliged and called in a script for 2weeks. She then said, that if I were to continue having issues with sleep, to call her office, and that she would place me back on Klonopin.
Well, I did just that. I called the Med Clinic and left a message for her yesterday morning. The nurse returned my call, to say she had open appointments. This left me a bit frustrated, because of the previous conversation I had on the 8th.
I explained that the Xanax that was prescribed only gave me vivid dreams and that it wasn’t helping me and that I discontinued taking them. I also explained for the umpteenth time, that I am on a fixed income and can only afford to lay out a certain amount on co-payments per month.
In short, the outcome was either come in or wait until my February 5th appointment. “Great.” Fine then, I wait until the February appointment. My hands and wallet are tied.
So… I’ve got another week and a half to endure.
Last March, I was to have a sleep study done to rule out sleep apnea, but that is when I learned my Medicaid was terminated. I know that this is what still needs to be done, and I’m sure that this will be discussed. However, I remain questioning this test. How do they determine if you have sleep apnea if you can’t fall asleep in the first place?
I’ve cut the coffee out, no sugar, no naps, still wake up by 9am, try to not watch anything past 1am, listen to meditating music, and nothing is working.
What concerns me when I’m this exhausted, I become very agitated. This is not a good thing. My whole demeanor seems to change. I get moody, isolate more so than usual, and I lose my motivation.
I refuse to have this get the best of me. The key is, I have to force myself to push myself even harder to keep motivated. I write a list the night before of what I need to get done the next day and stick to the plan regardless of how crappy I feel. I also force myself to read more positive affirmations than usual. Mindfulness is very important to me. I have to remain grounded.
So, this is basically the only thing that I have been concentrating on for the last few weeks.
Question: How does mindfulness work for you?
Until next week…
Take Care & God Bless,