~🌼~ Working on Me ~🌼~ Self-Help

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Hello, All!  

I have to be honest when I say the only thing that I’ve been working on recently,  is that of sleep deprivation and maintaining a good attitude while feeling this exhausted.

The last visit to my psychiatrist was back on Jan 8th.  At which time, we discussed my sleep disorder and what to work on from there.  I requested Xanax at that time because I thought it was due to all the happenings in my personal life.  She obliged and called in a script for 2weeks.  She then said, that if I were to continue having issues with sleep, to call her office, and that she would place me back on Klonopin.

Well, I did just that.  I called the Med Clinic and left a message for her yesterday morning.  The nurse returned my call, to say she had open appointments.  This left me a bit frustrated, because of the previous conversation I had on the 8th. 

I explained that the Xanax that was prescribed only gave me vivid dreams and that it wasn’t helping me and that I discontinued taking them.  I also explained for the umpteenth time, that I am on a fixed income and can only afford to lay out a certain amount on co-payments per month.  

In short, the outcome was either come in or wait until my February 5th appointment.  “Great.” Fine then, I wait until the February appointment.  My hands and wallet are tied.

So… I’ve got another week and a half to endure.

Last March, I was to have a sleep study done to rule out sleep apnea, but that is when I learned my Medicaid was terminated.  I know that this is what still needs to be done, and I’m sure that this will be discussed.  However, I remain questioning this test.  How do they determine if you have sleep apnea if you can’t fall asleep in the first place? 

I’ve cut the coffee out, no sugar, no naps, still wake up by 9am, try to not watch anything past 1am, listen to meditating music, and nothing is working.

What concerns me when I’m this exhausted, I become very agitated.  This is not a good thing.  My whole demeanor seems to change.  I get moody, isolate more so than usual, and I lose my motivation.

I refuse to have this get the best of me.  The key is, I have to force myself to push myself even harder to keep motivated.  I write a list the night before of what I need to get done the next day and stick to the plan regardless of how crappy I feel.  I also force myself to read more positive affirmations than usual.  Mindfulness is very important to me.  I have to remain grounded.

So, this is basically the only thing that I have been concentrating on for the last few weeks.  

Question:  How does mindfulness work for you?

Until next week

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie

29 comments

  1. Hi Beckie, sounds to me like you do all the things you should be doing to get enough sleep. I have trouble sleeping on and off. Over time I’ve come to the conclusion not to question why and to use that time for introspection or creativity. So now I often see it as “gifted” time that I can use as I please. I also think it’s my psyche working through something so writing diary in a stream of consciousness way often gives me insights. I practise mindfulness more and more. Letting go of judgements about myself and what I do. It’s a dream worth working for 🙋

    Liked by 2 people

  2. That sucks that they won’t just call in the prescription for you. Insomnia can be so awful! There have been times when I’ve gone days with zero sleep and my eyes get all buggy and I start having auditory hallucinations…not good.

    You’re doing great keeping one foot in front of the other! You’ll get there. I guess this is just part of the journey. The sucky part😕😜💞💌

    Liked by 1 person

    • Unfortunately, Nope… They won’t just call it in. Ticked me off.
      I actually broke down this afternoon to sleep for an hour. And, as soon as I finish typing my little comment back to you… I’m going staight to bed. LOL!
      I hope you have a wonderful day/evening!
      Take care, Sweetie! 😊

      Like

  3. I have to say, I had the same question when I had my apnea test done. Insurance wouldn’t pay for me to have it done in a hospital setting, so they sent me home with a testing machine. I can’t sleep without a sleeping pill. I just don’t fall asleep, my brain doesn’t shut off. But, it counts the time that you do fall asleep, no matter how brief. I stopped breathing A LOT which was what was not allowing me to sleep the night through. I have a CPAP machine now. It has helped immensely! I still have my moments of “taking naps” through the night. But not nearly as often as it was happening. How is your sleep hygiene? That is something that I needed to work on, and I highly recommend it. I thought it was a bunch of hooey when it was brought to my attention, but I implemented some good habits, and I’ll be darn if it didn’t help! If you need or want some pointers, I’ll be happy to share.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My mom had the CPAP machine years ago. She only required it for two years, and she doesn’t need it anymore.
      I guess my sleep hygene could always be improved upon, that’s for sure.
      I’m actually glad I posted this today, because I got a lot of feedback and suggestions.
      Thank you for yours!
      Time for me to go to bed now. I’m a bit crossed eyed while writing this response. LOL! 😊
      Have a good evening!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I have to lose weight before I get to a point where I don’t need mine anymore. I stopped going to that doctor because for the 30 minute drive there, and the 5 minute appointment that I have to pay for, all he says is “Things look good. You need to lose 20% of your weight.” EVERY TIME. This doctor doesn’t seem to understand the things I am up against; a slow thyroid, medications that cause weight gain, and conditions that do not allow me to exercise as much as I should. Diet only goes so far and while I may lose, it is no where near 20% of my current body weight. So… I choose not to go. I’ll just keep using my machine until I lose the weight, whenever that happens. Then go see him. I refuse to pay for someone to tell me every visit that I am fat and need to loose weight. Hey, why don’t you tell me something I DON’T know? LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      • Boy, oh boy… I hear ya! My doctor says the same thing to me. Like I don’t realize myself that I have gained weight. Duh?
        Between the types of medication I’m on, the problems with my back & knees, etc… I have tried. But it’s a slow process. Heck, it took over 6 months just to drop 10lbs.
        Like you said, they speak the obvious. LOL!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Sleep issues are so hard! I have taken to listening to audio books at night to help calm the inner ramblings of my mind that tend to ramp up at night. I know it’s not for everyone but it helps me a bit. I know it’s frustrating to get sleep deprived and feel it affect your mood. I’ll cross my fingers you’re able to find a solution soon!

    Liked by 1 person

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