Moving Forward – Changes to Come to “Beckie’s Mental Mess”

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.”  

~ Henri Bergson, Philosopher ~

person holding glass jar

~ Milan Popovic- Unsplash ~

 

Good Afternoon, My Friends!

Happy first Friday of 2019.  Do any of you have any plans for the upcoming weekend?  

My plans are rather simple.  One out of the two days, my roommate and I are having a game day and/or evening.  I look forward to it since we haven’t had one of those in quite a long while.  Also, whatever day we don’t have the game day, that is the day I plan on cleaning.  I know what you’re thinking…  “Wow, Beck, that sounds like a whole hell of a lot of fun.”  

You see, to me, cleaning is cleansing.  My bedroom/bath is the one room in the house that is truly orderly and maintained.  My roommate honestly doesn’t care about what the rest of the house looks like.  She suffers from depression as well.  However, my OCD and depression seem to heighten whenever I am anywhere throughout the house.  My bedroom has always been my safe place. My little personal zen zone.  Even during my episode of being overly depressed, I maintained keeping my living space very clean and orderly.  

While I laid around like the slug I became, I began playing solitaire and Yahtzee with Buddies on my mobile phone.  Note:  If you suffer from depression, this is the worst thing to do to yourself.  As I have mentioned before, I not only have mental health issues but I also have physical issues.  Even as I sit here writing this, my back is spasming and the pain between that and my knees being bent are very trying to ignore.  When I lay down, the pain is not as severe.  That is why I took up video games on my phone.  

The only other thing I did creatively speaking during part of the month in October was crochet a shawl for my roommate’s sister.  This was something I did have a great deal of pride in.  It was the first one I had ever made. 

Thank goodness for Youtube’s instructions.  Other than that, this was the only thing I was creative with.  Writing on the other hand all of a sudden seemed like climbing a rigid mountain.  I just felt as if that part of me died inside and that added to my depression even more.

In just a few days that I’ve been back, I’ve been thinking of ways to reinvent myself and my blog.  Heck, who am I kidding, I’ve been thinking of that for over the last few months while being dulled to death by playing video games.

One of the decisions I made was that I was going to keep “Working on Me” self-help, and self-discovery.  I will post that on a weekly basis like I had before I fell off the earth.

Second decision I made was getting back to seeking the positivity and search for happiness.  In other words…  Try to break through the depression I’ve been experiencing.  My goal is not only to help myself but to reach out to others in order to help guide them to ways of uplifting their spirits as well.

I have spent way too much time dwelling on anger, frustration, aggravation, and living inside my own head feeling nothing but negativity.  I know as well as you…  Life is not a picnic.  The ants tend to trample over us and drive us nuts.  No one person deserves that feeling.

I’m debating of bringing back “Quote of the day and my thoughts” – That one I’m going to leave up to my readers.  If you would like me to continue with that series, please let me know.  I’d greatly appreciate your feedback on that particular one.

As far as my creative side, it might resurface in time.  For now, it’s all about getting my groove on by and re-evaluating, reinventing, and most importantly, self-discovery.  To find pleasure again.

Thank you for reading.

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie

 

 

 

29 comments

  1. Always a pleasure to hear from you. Glad that you are back. Take it easy and God!! what a beautiful crochet shawl you have made..I can’t believe this is your first attempt.
    I would love to read the quote of the day and your quotes too. It was always on my reading list.
    Feel better, Beckie.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Card making used to be my fave one time, but now I am thinking of getting back into drawing, which I may practice new things like watercolours or acrylic.
        I shall do the odd small cross stitch and try new crafts.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I think you should go for it… I wish I have the “Art” part within me, but everything I draw looks like a stick figure.
          I use to cross stictch all the time, but my eyes can’t handle that one. Hopefully, by March, I will have my eyes examined and get new glasses and restart that hobby once again.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the secret is to do as much as you want to and not over burden yourself. If quote of the day is something you enjoy then absolutely go for it, but if a daily commitment feels too much then maybe do it weekly.
    Use your blog as therapy, do what makes you feel good.
    Take care x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for sharing. It’s always reassuring to know there are other people who struggle, the same as me. I can completely relate to your need to keep things tidy. My girls and I live with family, and while my family’s side of the house tends to fall into disarray, I keep our side as clean as possible because it eases my anxiety. I hope you enjoy your weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey!
    Happy New Year to you and your beloved ones. My blog is close to a 1500 followers and I thought it’d be good to wish my super cool followers a happy new year. Thanks for supporting my blog. Your support means a lot to me. 🌸🌸😊

    Liked by 1 person

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