~🌼~ Working on Me ~🌼~ (Self-Help)

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Hello, All!

Happy Hump Day to all of you!  I’m so thrown off being that Monday was a holiday, I almost forgot what today was.

I had another subject matter that I was going to write about today, but I had changed my mind due to something I have learned within the last 24 hours.  I rarely write too much about my family dynamic because we are basically fucked up.  Generally speaking, I don’t write about it much because if read by said family, I get shit for it anyway.  So much for freedom of the press, right?  It’s my view, my opinion, my feelings, and said family members have a hissy fit.  My way of looking at this is…  You have your life, and I have one too.  Get over it!

You see, another factor of being in my family is based on keeping secrets.  I’m great at it.  I’m a trained sponge.  Hell, it was secrets that were kept from me until I was 49 years-old that mental illness was within the family walls.  It wasn’t bad enough we had alcoholism, but add that little bit of knowledge into the mix would have been nice to learn at an earlier age in order to do something about it back then.  However, that is water under the bridge and in the past.  I deal with all of that now with professionals.  Plus moved forward.

Last evening, I got a phone call from a family member that is more messed up than I could ever be.  I’m not saying that to be mean and heartless, but this person truly is.  This person even when having a job lost it due to some pretty irresponsible reasons.  One being (Drinking).  Other reasons, just being stubborn and too picky for their own good.  Always thinking they are right, and the rest of the world continues to be in the wrong.  Well, this person has been doing odd jobs to try and keep their head above water.

It failed!  

They are now facing being homeless or bouncing from one couch to the next until they wear out their welcome.  The unfortunate thing about this is that this is not the first time that this has happened.

I was asked to hold on to a few items of furniture, but I simply don’t have anywhere to put these items.  If I did, I most certainly would.  

The part that sent me off the brink was I got the… “Don’t tell this person.”  (Yup, another secret)  The sad fact of the matter is, we all basically saw this coming before the said person is telling me to keep yet another secret.  We’d all have to be deaf, dumb, and blind.

I know I sound really harsh here, but we as a family have all faced this before with this family member.  We have all suggested, helped, listened, gotten this person out of legal problems, moved them into our homes, gotten them a job, and without fail, never once take into consideration of how hard everyone was helping them.

When listening to this family member ramble anxiously like a trapped raccoon, I listened with an empathetic and concerned ear.  Hell, I was homeless at one point too.  I think I may have a little bit of advice to share and give this person.  But, as usual, I was shot down.  This person literally stated over again…  “Yeah, I know, I know, whatever, just don’t tell anyone.”

You know the saying… “You can lead a horse to water, but can’t make them drink?”  You got it.  I tried to assist and was shot down for the last time.  I don’t want to see this family member out on the street, but their “Pride” just stamps out everything in their damn way.

Naturally, this secret will come out before the end of the week.  Until then, I just have to keep my mouth shut.  

I have had to detach myself from family members before.  Basically, for my sanity.  Many people find this objectionable or questionable to detach.  Just the mere word Detach sounds as if I don’t give a shit at all, on the contrary, I love this person very much.  I expressed this to this person before I was hung up on last night.  

Last night, after I was hung up on, I just kinda sat here on my bed just thinking of all the times other family members came together to help this person.  And how many more failed attempts there were.  I am truly scared for this family member, but so damn pissed off at them all at the same time.  

The worse part of all of this is one person within my family is going to make themselves so sick over this from worry.  It’s just not fair.  Hell, I didn’t sleep a bit last night.  Whatever sleep I did have, I woke up with a full-blown migraine just rethinking the conversation replaying in my head.

I also keep thinking…  “What’s this?  It was okay for me to unravel, attempt suicide, have a complete break-down, lose my home, and end up homeless?”  That was okay?  But, this person is too good to ask for help. Too good to listen to real suggestions in order to be able to help themselves in the end.   WTF!?!?!?!

Have you ever had a family member or friend that was in a predicament such as this and would never listen to reason?  What did you do?  Please be honest with your next answer to this question…  Do you think by me detaching myself from the situation to be cruel?  I truly want to know.

I highly doubt I will hear from this family member for quite some time and it does break my heart that they’d rather have their pride stand in the way than just listen to suggestions in which to help them.  

I know that no matter how scared I am for this person is, I won’t be picking up the phone to check on them.  This will eat away at me, I know it will.  However, my sanity and well-being need to be kept intact to be able to listen to the one family member that will really need me to be there for.

Thank you for reading, sorry it turned into a rant (Once again).  My anxiety is a bit tweaked over all of this.

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 comments

  1. You may rant any time, hell your family about as sad and crazy as minds!!! We got so many damn secrets in our family it’s ridiculous! Good for you for trying to help!!! You are your first priority 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, Ashley. And, that’s just it. The entire family has enabled so many times. They even did it with me, up until I got help. Even after I did get help, I barely have any connection with them since. Which, is fine with me. The judgement was enough to crack even the toughest link.
      I really do feel horribly bad for this family member, but enough was enough.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It is NOT cruel at all! This person is an adult an responsible for their own life! I’ve learned through my own troubled life that the only, ONLY thing one can control is one’s actions. You can’t fix or even help someone who isn’t ready. Secrets cause so much pain and damage. You don’t have to volunteer information but don’t lie. You need to take care of yourself. When it comes down to it, we all want to help those we care about, but enabling and fixing doesn’t help them. It keeps them from TRULY facing the consequences of their actions and learning, changing…or not.
    Big hugs to you!!!! Take care of you and let the other adults live with their choices.💌💌💌

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I can’t tell you any single family I have come across that doesn’t have a secret. I guess you are being generous in trying to get the message across this person after having been gone through the same exact situation. I personally have experienced this in my life where a troublesome person who just refuses to learn from their mistake and become a burden for everybody else. I personally have tried to help a lot and sometimes I think you can only help to an extent and rest depends on his actions and destiny. At some point in your life, you have to let the reins go.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are far too kind for your own good! Families, yep, ours is fucked up, too, very much so, an alcoholic father, a control freak at the best of times, mental illness runs rampant in ours too, on both sides and I did not know for years! I think detaching is the best route! I wouldn’t call to check on them either, some people need tough love! xx

    Liked by 1 person

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