Hello, again my Friends. It’s only 3:15pm EST as I write this and I feel like I need to go to bed. Again, I want to apologize for freaking out in the last post.
Okay, so, I saw my therapist. I honestly didn’t know where to begin. I basically continued my rant on the whole mess and feeling overwhelmed as well as my anxiety creeping up on me like a wildfire. We discussed everything that has been going on, and she made a lot of great suggestions. One, being that I go to Social Services and find out if my Medicaid can be reinstated because according to my mental health facility, my termination was due to me not responding to their reinstatement form (that was supposedly sent to me, but never received… which is a crock of shit, because I spoke to them and requested it to be mailed again, which again was never received). So, I must go down to their office personally and speak to someone. Second, is to apply online to NJ Family Care for the Aged, Blind, and Disabled Program. Which I will be doing if I don’t get anywhere with Social Services.
However, this is not taking place today. I’m emotionally spent. I’ve said in prior posts that I haven’t cried and thought that mechanism was broken within me for months; that all ended today. The waterworks turned on and poured out of me. The funny part was that my therapist didn’t have a box of tissues readily available, and she rushed like mad to get them for me. LOL! At least she got a chuckle out of me for this happening.
On the way home, I was passing a mini-mall that had a Barnes & Noble Bookstore. I made such a hard right into their parking lot. I thought to myself, ‘Fuck it! I need something to cheer me up even if it’s a little thing.’ I ended up purchasing two books on clearance for $20. (I know, I know… why is Beckie bitching about money issues and she’s spending money on stupid stuff? am I right?) Well, I can blame it on the bipolar spending thing, or I can say, ‘You deserve something to make me smile as well as others.’ Yup, you got it… 2 more books on my beloved quotes. LOL!
When I arrived home, I brought said garbage cans that went out last night, back in. Came up to my room and pulled out my book by Melody Beattie “The Language of Letting Go” – Which I promise you I will make short and quick.
Problems are inevitable. With every problem, there is a solution. Sometimes, problems just are; a warning sign that you are on the wrong track. You must stay focused on the problem at hand and work on the solution instead of reacting to the problem. Try to remain positive and work diligently until the problem is resolved.
I try to always be positive. I really do, I work very hard on that. I will attack this issue tomorrow by jumping into this as if it were a mission. That is all I or anyone can do. TRY. If I don’t get it resolved tomorrow, there is always the next day. I just have to stay on the right track and fight my hardest to get all of these issues resolved.
In the meantime, I am going to unwind, and try to relax. I may even take a well-deserved nap. I still can’t believe I cried for the first time in over nine months! Wholly crap, that mechanism inside of me hasn’t broken after all. LOL!
I hope you all have a wonderful day. Thank you, for putting up with me. I truly appreciate it.
Take Care & God Bless,