April 28, 2018: Just Another Day Inside My Bipolar Mind (A Rant)

Image result for pictures of someone with bipolar

 

Good Morning, My Friends!  Hope you are all doing well this Saturday morning.  So, what kind of plans do you have this weekend?  Anything good or worth sharing?  Or, do you do what I normally do, and play catch up of all the things you don’t do during the week?

Well, my excitement starts off with taking care of the pets, then starting laundry.  “Wow, huh?”  My excitement would be a bit more ramped up if I slept without interruption every hour out of the five hours I slept last night.  It’s pretty bad when your head has more fog in it than it does outside your bedroom window.  

I know what you’re thinking, “Good Lord, all Beck does anymore is bitch about this and that lately.”  Am I right?  Nah, it’s not bitching per say,  I’m just so overtired, and I don’t know what to do about it anymore.  I have gone by just about everyone’s suggestions of eating turkey, and banana’s to listening to soothing music, etc…  My go to isn’t even working for me.  (Sleep Guided Meditation), that use to always work for me, now that has failed too.  

Living with mental illness does take a toll on most of us that suffer from it.  The neverending brain that refuses to shut up, to depression, anxiety, and insomnia are all kicking ass days on end.  It’s exhausting.  What bother’s me the most, is that I am so less creative because of this exhaustion.  Again, the massive fog between my ears.  I would love to just have an idea what it would be like just to be normal?  Yeah, I guess I am bitching, because I would love for me to just not have to worry about everything all at once, be able to be motivated enough to get more things done and enjoy life a little more.  But, I sit here and ponder about every little thing to the point that my mind feels like it’s going to implode.

On a different note, today marks my one year anniversary of moving out of the transitional house that I resided for nearly two years of being homeless.  Moving out of there made me so unbelievably happy, and things for me did actually improve. I was able to get my baby back ( Peanut, my parrot of 30 years),  I was able to get a car, I am able to do things independently without supervision, and I don’t feel like I’m held captive anymore, which by the way…  unless you were ever in my shoes, and homeless, you truly wouldn’t understand what I’m talking about.  It was the hardest thing I ever went through in my life.  It was then that I really learned more and more about who I was though.  What I am today. 

I have Bipolar, depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and insomnia.  I have mental illnesses, and that will be a part of me for the rest of my existence.  I’ve accepted it, like I have a choice in the matter here or something, but just because I moved from a bad situation, I’m still within the confines of my own head.  I think that bothers me the most.  

One thing is for certain though, I am proud of myself for surviving being homeless in that transitional house.  How I didn’t lose my mind entirely is a miracle.  I isolated myself from others in order to survive, and in a sense, I still do that because of the mere fact I became good at it.  Silly, right?  Okay, now I know I’m officially rambling on here.  I think I just needed to blow off some steam today, and get this part of what’s been inside my head out of me.  

Thank’s for reading, sorry to spew this morning.  Hopefully, because I spewed a rant here, I can move forward with the rest of the day.  Thank’s again for listening.  Sorry if I went off a bit too much.  

Take care & God Bless,

Beckie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 comments

  1. Loved reading you Bekies, at least for me its like strengthening my belief that I am not alone feeling this way, on and off. (Depressive, blank, depressive. Anxious in between and panicked most of the time.) Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Hello Beckie

    My heartfelt thanks to you for following my blog, and for all the likes & comments!And hope we continue to grow and support each other in this journey!

    Also, recently my blog A Wayward Scribbles reached the milestone of 500 followers and I thought why not celebrate it! Check this post for details https://waywardscribbles.wordpress.com/2018/04/28/if-we-were-having-coffee-right-now/

    So, I’m very excited to personally invite you to my blog party(May 7, 2018), since you’re one of those amazing blogger who chose to follow my blog and I would love to show my gratitude!

    See you at the party!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. What a wonderful anniversary to celebrate, and celebrate you should! If you can make it through that and all of your past, you can make it through your future, Beckie. I believe in you, and hope you realize how strong you are. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

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