Good Morning All, and how are you today?
I’ve got to first thank so many of you for responding to my saga yesterday, I can’t express enough how much it meant to me. Although the quick fix to my problem would be jumping ship, I don’t have anywhere to go at the immediate moment in time. Me leaving doesn’t look like it’s going to take place for months if not a year. I don’t have the answers as of yet. Also, I should probably have been more clear yesterday… I’m renting a room within my roommate’s townhouse. In fact, as of 04/28/18, it will be one year that I moved in. Again, we get along, but (There’s that three letter word that leads to an excuse, that I’ll probably piss myself off with). But, After reading some of the comments yesterday, one stuck out like a sore thumb. “I’m enabling her.” And that my friends are the truth. I blame me for allowing it to go this far.
This morning, I picked up “The Language of Letting Go” by Melody Beattie (Daily Meditation on Codependency), The timing could not have been more perfect, because when I was flipping through and reading I came across the very subject matter of Boundaries. Here is what it states:
Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Because we are so used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn’t hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us.
There’s nothing wrong with us. Life is pushing and hurting to get our attention. Sometimes, the pain and pushing are pointing toward a lesson. The lesson may be that we’ve become too controlling. Or maybe we are being pushed to own our power to take care of ourselves. The issue is boundaries.
If something or somebody is pushing us to our limits, that’s exactly what’s happening: we’re being pushed to our limits. We can be grateful for the lesson that’s here to help us explore and set boundaries.
Today, I will give myself permission to set limits I want and need to set in my life.
I know myself pretty well, and I hate confrontation in any form. I may be more timid now since the last time I had to stand up for myself regarding boundaries. Before I moved in my roommate, I resided in that transitional house for the homeless. This was a rough place to be in my life, and I isolated myself due to my boundaries being trampled on. When I finally needed to stand up for myself, I ended up getting punched in the face. I don’t EVER think that would happen now, I live with a more civilized human being, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t fret having to have a discussion with my roommate.
I’ve developed the attitude of “Well if she doesn’t care, why should I?” That’s what’s getting under my skin the most.
Here are a few guidelines that I looked up in order to prepare me for when I decide to chat with her. In setting my limits, I had to look up and review a few guidelines I wanted to share with you.
Steer clear of fear, obligation, and guilt
Trust your perceptions, feelings, and opinions
Refuse to rescue others from setting limits and…
Recognize that limits have consequences
Setting limits is not an event, it is a process. Limits emerge from a variety of factors unique to every individual. Different people have different boundary styles and boundaries have different aspects which vary from situation to situation whether they are permeable, flexible or complex.
Tomorrow, I will continue how to go about setting healthy boundaries, and maybe today, I will start opening up my mouth if given the chance too. Again, my roommate likes to sleep all hours of the day and still doesn’t understand that I don’t. (There will be a great deal that has to be said). LOL!
Until tomorrow, have a wonderful day, and thank you all for listening to me rant here.
Take Care & God Bless,
[Quotataions provided by Pinterest]