~*~ Chewing & Spewing ~*~ [Boundaries]

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." --Brene Brown

Good Afternoon All!  How are you?  Did you have a good weekend?  I know here in New Jersey, it was nice on Thursday through Friday, almost Summer like. Now, it’s back to the bottom dropping out Again, and we are back in the 40’s, temperature wise.  Mother Nature, can be so cruel at times.  I’ve heard from other blogger’s, that out in the Mid-West, they were hit with more of that white shit that seems to want to cover the area until this Summer.  “I mean really, WTF?”   I think I can truly speak for all of us when I say…  “If we don’t get out from hibernation soon, we’re gonna all go postal!”

Today, I wanted to bring up something rather personal to my readers, in fact, I’ve already gone back and forth with “The Bipolar Writer” about depression and boundaries a bit this morning.  In fact, I discuss this with my mother down in Florida a great deal of the time.  I really don’t know if it’s me, or forces inside the household that are making me more depressed and full of anxiety due to boundaries that never seem to be in place.  Most times, I would take the blame for just about everything under the sun, but this time…  If I don’t get it out of my system, I’m gonna snap for sure.

I would direct this to the person who is creating this unwarranted anxiety, but this person has their own issues that she is dealing with too.  For which, I am empathic with.  But!  There comes a time when the boundaries have gone to codependency, and that is what has me in a dither.  

My roommate and I tend to get along pretty good in my opinion.  However, it has been strained lately because of what is going on in her life, and no one else. She suffers from social anxiety and depression herself, amongst other physical ailments.  All of which, I have been through it all with her, and have been a good friend while helping all this time.  This is not to say she hasn’t been a good friend, but (There’s that nasty little word again… But,)  It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’m no longer the friend but have turned in to the human alarm clock to wake her for appointments etc… and take care of her pets for her because she is always, and I mean always asleep.

Back in January of this year, maybe some of you remember, she had to have pretty evasive surgery, and I for one was a nervous wreck for her because she could have died.  She was instructed to stop smoking once and for all, and since then she’s started up again, amongst smoking other stuff.  This is all blamed on her anxiety and stress.  Now, I can understand to a point, but really?  She almost loses her life, so let’s start smoking and coughing up a third lung?  It’s like she has given up on herself, and dragging me down the path of a deeper depression than I was in in the first place.  She rarely takes care of herself, let alone the household.  The pets are always looking for me to take care of them, and then she states she wants to get another dog.  Again…  “WTF?”

Okay, I’m obviously freaking the “F” out here, and this week I think I need to be reminded how boundaries work.  So, with this being said… Starting tomorrow, I am going to share with you how to set healthy boundaries and coping skills for stressful situations.  Maybe, if I share with you, it will also help me out in the long run too.  

Sound like a decent plan?  Maybe, you can share your experiences in the comments section, and we can all help one another.

Until tomorrow, I hope you have a great day.  Monday’s at least almost over with, and I think I’ll end with a mindful meditation to help me deal with all this angst I have built up.  Hope you enjoy it too.

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie

 

[Picture courtesy of Pinterest, Youtube Mindfulness Video]

 

29 comments

  1. I don’t know the entire situation but one thing is for sure… you need to remove yourself from that situation immediately. Find a new roommate. She will only bring you down, and also, you are not her mom or even related to her. She is using you to take care of her business. With you taking care of her pets, etc. you are enabling her to be a shitty person to you. I opened my house once to someone similar and she started behaving mentally the same way, and using my family and I instead of getting herself help. You need to force her to make her life better by removing yourself from her situation. It may seem harsh, but think about yourself and your mental health. Hope that this helps.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I so appreciate your comment, Thank you very much. I’m looking to move within the year to Florida to help my mom, and even though that seems like a lifetime away, I honestly don’t have a choice but to stay at the moment. I have been trying to keep myself away from the situation as best I can, by staying in my bedroom where it’s clean and doesn’t smell like smoke and stagnated air. It doesn’t help that I also have OCD, so I’m a control freak and very orderly and clean. LOL!

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  2. Hang in there, you’re doing fantastic job! Maybe when she feels better she will show her appreciation more. Setting boundaries can be difficult for me for fear of offending, but I think you are right to do what you have to do to keep yourself healthy. You’re an awesome 👏 friend to her.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s kinda crazy how much I can relate to this…

    “I really don’t know if it’s me, or forces inside the household that are making me more depressed and full of anxiety due to boundaries that never seem to be in place. Most times, I would take the blame for just about everything under the sun, but this time… If I don’t get it out of my system, I’m gonna snap for sure.”

    I don’t want to go into too much detail about it, but I am also about to snap. I hear you on the anxiety. The thing for me is there is no excuse or reason it’s happening other than she doesn’t realize she is hurting everyone else’s feelings and if anyone says anything even politely, she plays the victim. It really sucks. But as of this week I am over it and will blow up. It is just a question of when. I feel your pain and I hope it gets better soon. Take care of yourself and make the right decisions for you no matter what.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh boy, I feel like I opened a can of worms on this subject. I’m sorry if I touched a nerve. Snapping is by far not going to help matters, but boundaries do need to be set. I’ve spent a lot of time reading about boundaries today and will share quite a bit tomorrow if you can hold out that long. Hang in there. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • No you didn’t strike a nerve at all. This is something that has been brewing for a long time. I just wish I could share how it makes me feel without her playing te victim, you know? Like all you have to say is sorry you didn’t mean to hurt me. Not “why am I being attacked?!” like calm down no one is attacking anyone, we are just sharing how sometimes her lack of boundaries hurt. I have handled a lot of stuff since living here, but now it is reaching limits. When my privacy is at risk, than that is basic respect people need to learn. I can take a lot of crap and I have, but now it looks like my husband and I are going to play the bigger people and just move out sooner than planned. Hoping by May we will be officially on our own and hopefully our landlord won’t be a pain in the behind. Haha The place we are looking at luckily is very affordable. The place itself and staff had great reviews too. Luckily things in general in our life has gotten a lot better and it has kept my head and patience above water. But when it comes to trampling on my feelings and privacy, something will be said. I don’t plan for it to be a blow up. I am hoping I can kindly share how I feel without it turning into a blow up. But if I speak my mind kindly and share how I truly feel and it is taken as I am blowing up then I don’t know, because trust me I rarely speak my mind, nvm come across malicious. I look forward to your post tomorrow and will hang in there.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You and I have a lot in common. I usually take it, swallow it, then steam and brew for days over it, where the other person is oblivious. I certainly hope you and your husband move out soon, and begin a new chapter in your life. You are deserving of happiness and not frustration. 🙂

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      • Good to know we have a lot in common and I am not alone in how I feel or deal with things. I let things brew up in me for far too long. Even my husband says I am very timid. There are times I have shared how I feel with him, he goes to defend me and I am all like no you didn’t make me feel uncomfortable or hurt so and so. He is like uhh….now I look like an idiot. I just hate confonrtation even when people are either hurting me, taking advantage of me or trampling all over my feelings. But in the same breath it sucks because nothing ever gets resolved and I end up hurt. I am trying harder to speak up, not in an attitude or hurtful way, but to let people know I will not be trampled on or have my feelings hurt further. But I have come to realize awhile agoa lot of cannot stand the truth or being told they did anything slightly wrong. They prefer sugar coated bs or have a really bad superiority complex. When we all make mistakes and I think if more people were truly open with each other and their feelings things could be so much better and people would probably be much happier. Maybe I;m wrong.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I hate confrontation too, I assure you. The last time I had an issue with boundaries, a different roommate punched me in the face. So, I guess that makes me timid too. I don’t want to hurt my friend, but she has to be made aware that she is making me miserable, not mention worry. I’m more worried about her than she is, and that pisses me off too. LOL!
        Thank you, for listening and trust me… You a good soul. we are just sensitive people with a big heart. 🙂

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      • Sorry to hear you got punched in the face. Wow, and I thought my problems were bad. Lol. I know exactly what you mean. I just wish there was an easier way to talk things out without any feelings getting hurt etc. Like you said boundaries are important.

        You’re welcome and thank you for listening as well. Yes we are just very sensitive people and there is nothing wrong with that. You also have a good evening/night. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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