March 26, 2018: Past Eight Days of Mental Exhaustion

via Daily Post Prompt: Inefficient

 

it hurts, the pain. I want to scream, i want to tell someone. but who would understand, the answer is that no one understands how i feel. for all my fears. for it is my own self i am afraid of, afraid to give up, to call it quits. he comes close and holds me in his arms stroking my head as i cry. "I' m fine," i sniffle out. " i know, "he says into my hair..................- Z

 

Hello, and Happy Last Week of this Miserable March!  It certainly came in like and a lion and a lamb has hardly been conceived, (as of yet).  🦁 🐑  

I hope all of you had a wonderful weekend and a great upcoming week.  With any luck, the weather will change for the better once Easter arrives, I’d be pleased if it got above 40-50 degrees, and see a splash of color other than white, that and grime that remains after the white crap has fallen.  😳

My mood lifted yesterday when my roommate’s sister cut and colored my hair, and by the way…  Not White.  LOL!  It came out so nice, that I thought I lost 5lbs of hair and the color is perfect.  I am so grateful for all she has done for me.  

I wish I could report that I’ve calmed down, but my nerves are still reeling from the mere fact, that I don’t have health insurance.  I spoke to so many people over the course of last week alone, that I simply couldn’t today.  I’m inefficient as far as motivation and more disappointment.  I have to wait until tomorrow to have my list altogether in order to return phone calls and shop for the cheapest insurance I can.  

In the meantime, I do plan on still visiting my Mother in Florida come the beginning of July, regardless if I have things situated or not.  She was hoping I could stay for two weeks, but it’s impossible to afford that even.  Everything has a 💲 attached to it, and that is not cheap 💲 at that.  🤑  It will be a full year of not seeing my Mother come this July, and I miss her with every fiber of my being.  One thing is for certain, I know that once I get there, there will most likely be a family meeting of me moving down there, but without Peanut my parrot.  That is breaking my heart more than anything else at this point.  Weighing the pros and cons just on this weekend alone. I just feel as if my depression is getting worse with each passing day, and my sleep is all fouled up again too.  Too many things to think about, and I am so overwhelmed. 😰 😱

In the meantime, since I missed the Reader from yesterday and barely wrote, that is my intentions for today.  I need a calm if that is at all possible. 

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11 comments

  1. Sweet Beckie, I am so sorry for your loss. Our pets are our children, and sometimes I do wonder why we do it to ourselves, but I LOVE my four legged furbabies as much as the next guy. Aww. Anyway, a few tips for inexpensive calming of the nerves: boil cinnamon on the stove top, the aroma is very calming. Try a lavender candle, they too are good for our imbalance in the anxiety department. When you sleep, make sure you have a HEAVY blanket, as this quiets our nerves and ensures a “safe” feeling. I know you’re tired, but try to get outside and get some sun. Love you girl, hope you feel better soon. I pray you stay all two weeks of your visit.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am sorry you are having such a hard time, friend. My mood has started to lift some but I can totally relate to the miserable March. Going to Florida gives you something to look forward to and the insurance stuff can wait until tomorrow. That is shit to deal with!! My mother doesn’t have insurance because she makes too much for Medicaid but she can not afford independent insurance. I hate that. I am sending all the positive vibes I have your way. I am here if you need to talk.

    Liked by 2 people

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