Good Morning my Friends! I hope this post finds you all fine today.
Here I am sitting here on my laptop watching the cursor blink at me beckoning me to write what’s on my mind. The sad fact of the matter is, I honestly don’t know what’s going on with my mind for several days now.
I’ve been weighing the positive vs. negative inside of me for over some time now, not really just days, but more like weeks, maybe even months. I truly don’t understand how I can go from being happy (truly happy) one moment, then bleak in a matter of a blink of an eye.
I haven’t seen my therapist since last month, and thank God, I see her this coming Thursday after I have my gel shots administered into both knees. (Oh, yeah… the fun never ends). I know I had spoken to her about me not being able to cry lately. For most people, they would probably think this of being a good thing, but the truth of it is, it’s not. I just recently reblogged a piece by “Revenge of Eve” that made me tear up, but that is all I can muster as of late. I even mentioned the weather in my post yesterday, and how that has been affecting my mood, as I’m sure it is affecting others as well by this point of this God Forsaken Winter.
Always, I try to remain positive, but for some damn reason the negative has been cracking down on me. I have even attempted to join other bloggers who I hold a candle to by following their lead in “Self-Soothing & Self-Care” routines, but I feel as if I’m not quite there. My intentions are good, but the effort at sticking to this seems to falter. One thing that I never allow to falter is my posting my “Quote of The Day & My Thoughts”, that to me is my saving grace most of the time. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have the following book my sponsor of years gone by gave me. “Each Day a New Begining” by Karen Casey. The book is more driven towards women in alcohol recovery, but I found so many quotes that fit into everyday life, to share with others, then add my twist to touch and hopefully provoke another’s thoughts and meaning to them.
Even in my creative writing, I have noticed and can’t seem to control the darkness that has been conveyed. It seems to be pouring out of me like a thick sap. I hate knowing that this negative perspective has been seeping out of me the way it has. And, I’m sure it has been noticed, and for that; I feel embarrassed over.
How in the hell can I go from 0-60 in seconds with my mood swings? My meditation helps me quite a bit, but it’s as if a switch turns off a few hours after doing something I enjoy so much.
I don’t know… I’m just rambling and venting my frustrations here, and I’m sure you are reading this wondering why? LOL!, I don’t know why. I’m treating this forum like a confessional, and I do apologize for sharing this side of me here. Like I mentioned, thank goodness I see my therapist this upcoming Thursday. I truly need professional help trying to figure out what is holding me back from a good cry, and why these moods are riding a roller coaster lately.
Thank you, for listening and/or reading. LOL!
Take Care & God Bless,