August 9, 2017: Who Am I? Who Are You? My Decision to Find Me. (Part 3)

The best part of getting lost is finding yourself. thedailyquotes.com

Let us become the change we seek in this world – Mohandas Gandhi

Greeting’s All!!  Happy Hump Day to you!!!  I also wanted to shout out to my Niece Monica, Happy 15th Birthday.  I hate to seem cliche… But, Wow time flew between her birth to the peent day.  I hope all her birthday wishes come true.  How are all of you doing on this fine day?  Heck, for all I know, it’s raining where you are, sunny, dark, or just another day to get through.  Well, where ever you may be from, I hope you are having a happy middle of the week.  
I have nothing new & exciting going on today.  I’m currently listening to my parrot “Peanut” singing “You Are My Sunshine” and mixing it with whistling to the “Andy Griffeth Show.”  He is also making up his own tunes for which are making me crack up with laughter.  I’m expecting him to announce… “This is a little something I wrote myself.”  LOL!!!  Oh, how I do adore my little green son.  🙂
Alright, so I ended last night with exclaiming that my journey in finding me began the day I was admitted to the hospital back on August 16, 2015.  And, if you have been following my blog, you know all the circumstances prior, and after my stint there.  You also know the reason behind me beginning my blog, and now are just learning along with me… “Who am I?”  It’s an ambitious question that I have meandered around inside my head for some time now.  “More recently so lately.”  I’m really not sure even why the thought entered my already jumbled mind in the first place.  However, I have been doing a great deal of soul searching, self-discovery, and spiritual awakening.

find yourself and be that | quote

I decided the best way to self-discovery was this.  I would ask myself questions daily, for at least a month.  It would be an experiment in embracing each answer with the truth.  Each day from now, I will submit the question to myself and search for my honest answer.  Maybe, I will learn from my answers, the self-discovery in which I search for.  If you would like to challenge yourself with the same very questions, please feel free to do so.  If not my questions, then start your own questionnaire.
In the meantime, I won’t continue a (part 4, 5, 6 etc…) with this journey, I will just begin each of my future entries with the questions that I decide to ask myself.  Then continue to write about the subject matter that I want to either share and/or educate.  “Sound like a plan?”  Good.  Today, however, I will end this entry with my first question and continue from here on forward.  My message is this…  Stop being your own worst enemy, stop lying to yourself, don’t hold back your emotions and feelings pertaining to all that you question.  I am truly hoping that I find the freedom that is hidden within my realm of being.  I’m hoping to be rewarded at the end of this questionnaire of sorts to justify me being, “Who Am I.”

Question #1

What is something I truly miss?  (This is a 2 part answer if I could be honest here).  I miss seeing my mother more often than I do now.  I loved hanging out with her when she lived here in N.J.  I miss the meals together on the weekend when I would stay at her home.  I miss how we would find something to always talk about.  (Even though we do that now on the phone, but it quite isn’t the same thing).  I miss us watching a TV show, comedy for the most part, and laughing our butts off.  Or, watching an emotional drama, and discussing it thereafter.  I miss us exchanging books with one another, and discussing them after we had read them.  I miss her beaming smile.  I watching or talking to her goofy cat “Sweetie Pie.”  I definitely miss helping her in times when she was here and she was ill.  Being that she is over 1000 miles away now, kills me.  It’s because I don’t have control over anything.  I want to hold her hand and be with her when she is ill to at least try and comfort her. I miss that “Back in the day” when I was younger, how we use to share our clothes because we were the same size.  I miss the times we use to play Circus Attari and pretend it was cousin Justin’s head breaking the balloons.  I miss that after I got out of the hospital, we would sit at her kitchen table and listen to music while coloring mandalas.  I miss her supportive hugs, and encouragement during those rough times.  All in all, what I miss more, is that she did move so far away.  I love her so dearly.
(Part 2 of my answer)…  I miss the earlier days with my boyfriend, fiance’ and then husband.  My God, I missed our inside jokes and laughter.  I miss the evenings we would kick back and watch movies one right after the other when we didn’t have to go to work.  I miss the way he used to look at me, and I just knew in my heart that he loved me unconditionally.  I miss our rides from NY to NJ in order to visit our families.  I miss us singing to our favorite songs together.  I miss the concert we use to go to, “And…  they.re were plenty of them.”  I miss the holidays and getting ready for them. I miss us playing with all our pets, and finding joy in just plain being together during camping trips.  I miss the making up after an argument.  I miss the fact that we had what was so wonderful for close to 15 years.  I miss the thought of us getting back together again after our divorce, and acknowledging that it would never happen after his untimely death.  I simplicity of miss “Us.”
Alright, my friends…  I am going to close for now.  Hoping you have a pleasant rest of the day and a very peaceful evening.  Take Care & God Bless.  
Beckie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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